Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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