How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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