Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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