Soap is not a condiment
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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