He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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