Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Boobs speak an international language.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
