Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
