Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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