I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
