We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
