I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
