I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
