mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
now i know why i became what i already was.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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