I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
