the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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