Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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