dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
