I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
