Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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