time to smoke my breakfast
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
