He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
