so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She told me I should be a condom model.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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