Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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