until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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