I was born with a shot glass in my hand
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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