i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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