I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
