apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
