and she was petting her beer can
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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