god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
not ubering you a puppy
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
