I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
