You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
