I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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