So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
