Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
