I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
