Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
