I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All the doctor said was why
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
