Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
