Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
