Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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