Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
