You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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