shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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