I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
