You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
