I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
