Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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