at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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