the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Text me some of your sweat
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
