I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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