sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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